🎄 Santa’s 2025 Behavior Log for Two Very Busy 71‑Year‑Olds

(An official North Pole file that Santa definitely shouldn’t be sharing… but here we are.)

📌 January — Early Dinner Drama

Mom & Dad hit the Naughty List after showing up to a 6 p.m. dinner reservation at 3:45 and insisting “it’s basically nighttime.”

Recovery: They tipped the confused waiter with a senior‑discount coupon to IHOP, which Santa found oddly generous.

📌 February — TV Remote Trouble

Dad spent half an afternoon cursing at the TV because “it keeps changing channels on its own,” only for the elves to discover he was sitting on the remote.

Recovery: Mom pretended not to notice and said, “These remotes get trickier every year,” earning her instant Nice Points.

📌 March — Microwave Meltdown

Mom scolded the microwave for “taking forever” to heat her hot chocolate… after setting it for 10 seconds.

Recovery: Dad plugged the microwave back in, declared it “fixed,” and earned enough Nice Points for both.

📌 April — Hearing Aid Hijinks

Dad pretended he couldn’t hear neighbor Melissa because he “wasn’t in the mood for chit‑chat.”

Recovery: Mom talked to Melissa for him, even though she accidentally wore Dad’s hearing aids the whole time.

📌 May — Duck‑Feeding Lecture

Dad lectured a stranger named Carl about “proper duck etiquette,” despite Carl just trying to eat his sandwich. Recovery: Mom offered Carl a butterscotch from her purse, restoring peace and blood sugar.

📌 June — Apple Support Episode

Mom called Apple Support because her flashlight “kept turning itself on.” She briefly hit the Naughty List after accusing the rep, Robert, of “adding too many buttons.”

Recovery: Dad tapped the screen once, turned it off, and praised Robert for his “excellent service.”

📌 July — The Lawn Chair Incident

Dad set up lawn chairs for a neighborhood BBQ… one full week early. When neighbors asked why, he said he “didn’t want to lose his spot.”

Recovery: Mom brought everyone lemonade and claimed it was a “dress rehearsal,” which Santa appreciated.

📌 August — Google Confusion

Mom told the grandkids she “invented Google” and refused to walk it back.

Recovery: Dad tried to fact‑check her but typed the whole question into the password field. Santa awarded pity points.

📌 September — Senior Fitness Fiasco

Mom joined a senior yoga class, got stuck halfway through a stretch, and loudly blamed the instructor, Marcy, for “trick poses.”

Recovery: Dad helped her stand up and thanked Marcy for “not calling 911.”

📌 October — Physical Therapist Mix‑Up

Dad called Mom’s physical therapist, Trevor, to complain her “exercise instructions” weren’t loading on her phone. Trevor gently reminded him he’s a PT, not tech support.

Recovery: Mom apologized, grabbed the phone, and clarified that stretching doesn’t come with an IT department.

📌 November — The Coupon Crusade

Mom hit the Naughty List after trying to use a 2003 coupon at Target and telling the cashier, Evan, “It’s still good if you just believe.”

Recovery: Dad earned the Nice Points back by gently guiding her away from the register and whispering to Evan, “She believes in a lot of things… it’s easier if we let her.”

📌 December — The Bingo Blow‑Up

Mom and Dad hit the Naughty List after arguing with Shirley at bingo because she “called the numbers too fast.”

Recovery: They earned Nice Points for apologizing and admitting they just couldn’t find their glasses.

🎁 Final Verdict

Despite the chaos, confusion, and questionable coupon usage, these two 71‑year‑old legends have officially made the Nice List for 2025. Santa says they’re “a handful,” but also “the most entertaining surveillance assignment of the year.”

Merry Christmas to the two most lovable troublemakers on the planet.

🎁 Now, about that Christmas gift…

Santa’s elves have reviewed the 2025 Incident Report, tallied the Naughty Points, and—despite a few coupon crusades and lawn chair mishaps—decided you’ve earned a reward.

But this year, it’s not just handed over. You’ll need to prove your holiday spirit by answering a series of questions based on the timeless classic Christmas Vacation. Each correct answer will help you crack a numeric password that unlocks your gift.

🕵️‍♂️ Think of it as a Griswold‑style scavenger hunt… minus the squirrel.

Grab your eggnog and your movie memory. Each answer leads to a number, and those numbers unlock the gift page. Let the Griswold‑grade festivities begin.

The Jolliest Bunch of Trivia This Side of the Nuthouse

Clark puts down a deposit for the family swimming pool. How much does he pay?
Clark once hid a Mother’s Day gift so well that he didn’t find it for years. What year was that gift from?
While stuck in the attic, Clark watches old Christmas home movies. What year were those films recorded?
Clark covers his house in an outrageous number of Christmas light strands. How many strands does he use?
Each strand on Clark’s house is packed with lights. How many lights are on each strand?
It’s mentioned that Cousin Eddie hasn’t had a job in quite some time. How many years has he been out of work?
Clark’s Christmas bonus turns out to be a Jelly of the Month Club membership. How long is the subscription for?
Clark has been loyal to his company for a long time. How many years has he worked there?
After some pressure, Mr. Shirley reinstates Clark’s Christmas bonus. By what percentage does he raise it?

Christmas Vacation TRIVIA code instructions

You’ve answered the questions; now it’s time to turn your movie knowledge into the numbers you’ll need to unlock your gift. Follow these steps carefully, using only the answers you’ve already collected.

Step 1: Take the amount Clark paid as a deposit for the family swimming pool and divide it by the number of strands of Christmas lights he puts on the house.

Step 2: Take the year of the Mother’s Day gift Clark hid and forgot about and subtract the year of the Christmas home movies he watches while stuck in the attic.

Step 3: Now subtract the result from Step 2 from the result of Step 1.

Step 4: Take the number of lights on each strand of Christmas lights and find its square root.

Step 5: Finally, add together the results from Step 3 and Step 4.

Step 6: Take the percentage that Mr. Shirley increases Clark’s Christmas bonus and add it to the number of years Clark has worked for his employer.

Step 7: Take your result from Step 6 and add the number of years Cousin Eddie has been out of work.

Step 8: Take your result from Step 7 and add the length (in years) of Clark’s Jelly of the Month Club subscription.

Step 9: Now take the total from Step 8 and square it.